Illustration by Neko-Maya
Ever since seeing the 2012 movie with John Cusack I’ve been psyched that a date would take me out of my miserable life.
You don’t understand: I’m tired of the meds, the nightmares, and being chased by CIA agents everywhere I go. This life gets old quick.
Since seeing the movie I’ve read hundreds of 2012 books, dedicated my life to this subject–I’ve become expert. And now I have nothing to show for it and I’ll never get those thousands of hours back. I could have learned three languages in the time I dedicated to the Mayan prophecy. I’m absolutely devastated.
Sure I’ve always been suicidal. But the Maya prophesied to do the messy work for me, obliterating all of life so that by being dead I wouldn’t be missing out on anything.
A big F%ck You to the Mayans who who gave me my life’s greatest hope and then destroyed it in a single afternoon.
Fast Forward to Christmas Morning
Still filled with an ocean of despair, I couldn’t get out of bed Christmas morning. My whole family knocked on my locked door yelling, “Bamboo, it’s Christmas morning,” but I stayed in bed like I lost everything, silent, knowing that I’d never be the same–that happiness would forever elude me.
Remembering that I was getting a Mayan totem pole this Christmas I reluctantly crawled out of bed and sat before the tree. On my way to the family gathering I banged into my brother’s shoulder who shirked, “what the hell man?” I murmured, “You shouldn’t even be here.”
My devastation has been so crippling that I stopped shaving and I seldomly follow society’s rules anymore. Whenever I go grocery shopping it’s typical for me to run over children’s feet and collide into other shoppers: I just don’t care about anything or anyone anymore.
For three years December 21, 2012’s prophecy was my greatest hope, my reason for living: It’s now the source of all my hopelessness.
What else can I look forward to in this life?