Heed my words. They don’t call me Llamadamus for nothing.
1. Twitter will release Toilet Tweeting
Whenever a user alleviates themselves, a tweet will automatically be sent out to the world that will reveal the color, consistency, and size of their waste product.
2. It will be revealed that Al Gore is the primary cause of global warming
How do you deal with losing a presidential election despite winning the popular vote? You grow a beard. When that doesn’t make you feel better, you find a way to artificially warm up the earth, and then crusade against it.
Albert Gore is single-handedly causing the earth to heat up. I have proof.
3. The South shall rise again
After lying low for a cool 145 years, the South shall once again succeed from the Union. Only this time, they will not advocate slavery. Instead, they’ll form their very own utopia.
Mullets will become mandatory, non-country music artists will be blacklisted, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. will be named dictator.
4. Cars will float on water
Hoping for a flying car? Not this decade, Mister.
You must patiently wait until the Roaring Twenties: part deux.
5. President Obama will open the world’s most popular restaurant
Within weeks of completing his second term, Mr. Obama will open a fast food chain called Barack N’ Roll.
On the strength of its signature dish, the Barackolli Burger, it will overtake McDonalds as the world’s most visited restaurant.
6. Armadillos will rapidly evolve, reeking havoc on humanity
After being ignored for centuries, the armadillo species will seek revenge.
For too long, they’ve watched us humans admire qualities of just about every other animal–the loyalty of dogs, the intelligence of dolphins, the majestic nature of elephants. But, we never gave them a second look.
When we accidentally run over a duck or a rabbit, we feel as if we’ve wronged Mother Earth. But, when we make road kill out of an armadillo, it’s as insignificant as our morning shave.
Armadillos have long waited for their day in the sun.
This is a warning to all my fellow humanoids. Revenge shall be sought. Fury will be unleashed.
7. Pun Intended will survive the impending apocalypse
Bamboo Forest and I will continue to blog from our underground bunker long after the demise of humanity. 2012 ain’t got nothing on us.