Not that long ago in a galaxy very, very close, plastic shoes with large holes became an international sensation. Definitely the Bush administration’s greatest mistake.
2. New Coke
Real Conversation from 1984:
President of Coca Cola: (Smiling) It’s hard to believe this delicious carbonated beverage is the most popular on earth.
President of Coca Cola’s Unstable Cousin: Listen to me, lil’ cuz. This may be due to the fact that I licked a toad earlier, but I just had a vision. If you don’t completely alter the formula of the world’s most beloved drink, humanity will crumble. You just have to trust me on this.
President of Coca Cola: Ummmm… Is this like the time you were sooo sure Charles Barkley was possessing your soul?
President of Coca Cola’s Unstable Cousin: No sir. This is different. Much different.
President of Coca Cola: Well that’s good enough for me.
3. Parachute Pants
Illustration by Lunasumerin
Society has yet to fully recover from the tragic era that was Hammer Time.
4. Michael Jordan walks away from basketball in his prime to try his luck at baseball
It was the equivalent of Abraham Lincoln leaving the white house in 1863 to become a trapeze artist.
5. Green Ketchup
In the year 2000, Heinz released a variety of bright green ketchup in an attempt to appeal to a very specific demographic: booger-eaters aged 3-10
The stunt initially worked, but quickly faltered when the snot loving tykes of the world came to the realization that the green condiment tasted nothing like it looked.
6. The XFL
Shortly after the turn of the century, It was decided that 400-pound men crushing one another wasn’t extreme enough. So, the powers that be drenched the game of football in Mountain Dew and created the XFL; an NFL alternative with less rules and more pain.
Turns out sports fans couldn’t handle the excessive fun. The XFL folded after one season.
7. Billy Ray Cyrus’s Mullety Rampage
Illustration by AmberMurphy
I’m not in the finger pointing business, but a man by the name of Billy Ray set the human race back a good 200 years. First, he popularized the misleading “business in the front, party in the back” hairdo. Then, two decades later, he had the audacity to team up with his demon spawn to create a little show called Hannah Montana.
I’m sorry Mr. Cyrus, but you’ve made our hearts both achy and breaky. We will never forgive you.
8. Jean Shorts
Illustration by kaymicrager
For reasons beyond comprehension, these denim abominations continue to endure. That said, it never has been, and never will be acceptable to rock a pair of jorts.
Pale face done did a bad, bad thing.