Photo by celebdu
The last thing I heard whizzing away from the small town bordering the jungle was my friend Philippe yelling, “You’re f@%king crazy, Bamboo.”
Maybe I was. But not as crazy as him and everyone else who’s waiting for world events to get worse by the minute. No, I’m not that crazy.
While speeding deeper into the jungle all I could envision was Kim Jong Il lobbing a nuke at South Korea. U.S. retaliating by launching a nuke from a nearby sub to prevent North Korea from launching additional nukes. And China getting involved by launching a nuke at the U.S. from a stealth sub sitting quietly in the Gulf of Mexico that’s impenetrable by radar.
I then saw the entire ocean turning blacker than the Alaskan bush at night and fish becoming a fairy tale of the last remaining people who actually survived the impending cataclysms.
Tears fell from my eyes like a waterfall as I sped deeper into the Amazon. I thought of all my family and friends who probably wouldn’t be around much longer. I felt terrible for them but that didn’t stop me from speeding deeper into the Amazon like a knight on a mission to save the world. Except, my mission was simply to save myself.
Finally, I was 35 miles in and had to ditch the ATV because the brush was too thick to drive in further.
I had faith that I could find the uncontacted tribe recently in the news. I anticipated they’d accept me as one of theirs.
Because of my vision of what’s soon to occur on earth, I began hiking into the Amazon with the boldness of a ninja assassin. After three hours of trekking through the jungle as fast as I could I started to get tired, though. I decided to sit under a tree and pull out the GPS unit that Philippe gave me to help me find the tribe. I took my backpack off only to witness something that made me feel like a bowling ball fell from the heavens and suddenly landed in the pit of my stomach.
My backpack was unzipped! I stayed calm, assuring myself that the chances of the GPS unit sliding out while driving a four wheeler like a lunatic into the Amazon was next to impossible.
My hand reached in, navigating in between all the survival food. All you could hear was the frantic sound of plastic bags filled with nuts jostled around. I then remembered that I had the GPS unit lying on top of the survival food and not beneath it.
I know you’re not going to believe this, but I started seeing my life flash before my eyes. Moments later I felt chills rush up my arms and upper body as if someone just plunged my upper torso into the Potomac in mid-winter while dangling me by my feet.
I felt sick.
While kneeling, I then lowered my head down and cried into the dirt. But it wasn’t the kind of crying you experience when you feel emotional pain. This was way beyond that: It was the kind of crying you feel when you know you’ve just put yourself in a position where you’re probably not going to make it out alive. In other words, most of you reading probably don’t know what this is like.
It’s the worst feeling in the world.
I spent at least a half hour with my head in the dirt, in shock, in pain, and wondering HOW IN THE HELL this could have happened.
The only thoughts rushing through my head like a commercial on perpetual rerun was Philippe telling me prior to leaving:
“Look, the only reason I’m letting you do this is because I know you, Bamboo. You’ll do this with or without me. So look, whatever you do, don’t lose the GPS unit or you’re going to get lost and you’re going to die out there. Do you understand me? At least with this, you can return back at any time, as long as you follow its signal, you’ll make it back to camp safely, without getting lost.”
From my own estimation I was a good 10 miles away from where I left the ATV. And to be honest, I knew trying to retrack my steps in this endlessly lush jungle was something that even Crocodile Dundee would struggle to accomplish.
It was getting late and underneath the jungle canopy it starts getting dark early from all the tree cover. I decided I’d stay put for the evening.
Later on, a cloud the size of Texas emerged and it started raining Olympic size swimming pools over my head. They don’t call this the rainforest for nothing.
I took my survival cup out and let it fill with water. You actually don’t bring canteens into the rainforest. So depressed, I opened up a bag of nuts as I sipped on rain water and munched on pecans while the water pathetically drenched my clothes. It was the saddest scene you could ever imagine.
Four days passed, all the while I remained in the same place and its already been a half a day since I finished all the food I brought with me.
I was hungry and depressed but I wasn’t giving up hope. I fell to sleep.
I awoke early the next morning. As much as I was beginning to despise the jungle, the mornings were absolutely amazing. It was as if every bird and insect united to put on a concert for anyone willing to listen. I looked at my watch and noticed it was Jun 16th.
This is the date Philippe was having a house party. He was certain I would’ve headed back by then and even joked with me prior to leaving, “Seeya at the party, Bamboo, it’s gonna be smashing.”
He said there was going to be Brazilian girls so beautiful, the sight of them would cause my spirit to leave my body. He also said there’d be cerveza that flowed like the rivers.
I could hear the amazing girls giggling at my dumb jokes and feel the cold beer imbibed with passion. I’m sure it would have been a freakin’ awesome time.
But now? Now I’m in the middle of the fu%@ing Amazon hiding out from what exactly? The only impending doom is that I’m just about guaranteed I’m going to die out here. The irony of this defies comprehension.
Moments later I lost it realizing how idiotic my decision was…
“WHYYYY AM I SUUUCH AN ASSSSHOOOOOOOOOOOLE?!” After repeating that same lyric for 15 minutes I started to get creative:
I AM THE BIGGEST ASSHOLE IN THE WORLD, WHO? YOU KNOW WHO: BAMBOO FOREST!
Then… Not only did my lyrics become more imaginative, I started skipping like a deranged child while singing, cheerfully even, with the common theme of me being the biggest asshole on the planet.
After about an hour of this, I finally fell down from exhaustion and laid there gazing up at the sky. Even though I knew death was only days away, nothing could shield me from the euphoria that was generated from my little outburst. I had a big smile on my face. The jungle never looked so beautiful and in a very strange way, I felt utter gratitude toward God that I was able to live this long and experience all that I had up until this point.
Now? Now I die in the Amazon.
To be continued…
Photo by ggallice
No Bamboo. No. Where you see certain death, I see only an explosion of life. Resources buried deep within you are even now beginning to surface. Your acceptance of them will be the only real surprise, as you inherently understand that you’ve had power beyond measure since the day you arrived on this earth…perhaps longer.
Fear and despair are replaced by the quiet confidence of a man with a bright future. Every drop of rain water becomes a miracle first, sustenance second. The early morning mist of the forest provides a fitting metaphor for a life so thick, so palpable, you feel it on every pore. Every piece of hair. Every breath inhaled, filling you with the wonder and determination of a child.
You’ll emerge from this place a changed man BF. May we all be so lucky.
@ Jeb: You’re the man, Jeb. Thanks for the comment and your support. You really are a poet, no doubt. Skills, man, skills.