7 Things Cell Phones Make Worse
Illustration by SelanPike
Many of you have been taught there are nine planets in the solar system (I refuse to ever discredit Pluto) You’ve been lied to.
I am sorry.
There is a 10th planet in our solar system named “Cell Phone” and it was discovered in 1973 by Martin Cooper.
This planet has been responsible for an untold number of disasters. The astrologers were right all along; planets do in fact impinge upon our lives and destiny.
Before I delve into some of the wrongs this planet has wrought upon our earth and its inhabitants, I’d like to speak about the good it has done:
- Excellent tool for emergencies. Such as your car breaking down and being stranded.
- Text messaging. If you’ve been online all day chatting on instant messenger, what are you going to do when you have to get away from the computer? Text messaging resolves all this.
- Surfing the web on the go. Similar to the advantage of being able to text message, but add to the fold, e-mail and stumbling. Why go anywhere without this capability?
Now that we covered all the good cell phones do, let’s take a good look at a sampling of the bad:
1. Driving - I don’t have to tell you this. Cell phones negatively impact ones driving ability. When you’re immersed in a chat on the cellie it can produce different kinds of conversations with varying levels of hazard:
- The, “like oh my gosh!” conversation. This one, is most commonly seen in teens, but has been known to effect those in their upper 20’s to mid 30’s. It is characterized by an influx of enthusiasm and hair twirling.
- The, “SHUT UP, SHUT UP!” conversation. This one isn’t necessarily vocalized, though it often is. Sometimes it’s merely listening to a client while thinking very negative thoughts. It causes aggravation.
- The, “kill time” conversation. Here, people just don’t like to drive. It drives them crazy. So, they believe the antidote is calling a friend while they’re driving, and talking about nothing. If the first friend isn’t available, you can rest assured they call the next, and then the next, and continue on until someone is available.
What do all these conversations have in common? Simple, you’re transported away from the earth and into the world of Cell Phone.
2. Bus Riding - Ever rode public transportation? It’s good for the environment. It’s good on the pocket book.
True, but what about when someone uses their cell while riding the bus? And they’re really loud. Did you want your time commuting spent taking part in their conversation? Looks like you have no choice.
3. Grocery Shopping - There’s a highway system in grocery stores. The aisles are the roads, the carts are the cars, and the engine is the person pushing them. Similar to driving, cell phones compromise your ability to navigate a cart. You tend to be slow, and indecisive - oblivious that anyone else is grocery shopping right around with you.
4. Eating - This one is dear to my heart. I refuse, refuse, refuse to eat my glorious food while being on the phone.
Picture this, you’ve just cooked up a magnificent meal: a juicy steak, baked potato, and crisp green beans. Let’s not forget the soufflé. You’re just about to sit down and dig in mindfully, or so you thought…
Ring ring!!! Ring ring!!! Ring ring!!!
“Oh, hi Joe, just eating here…”
Um, no.
After you get off the phone with Joe, you’ve already finished your whole meal, nothing is left. But you say to yourself, “I don’t even remember eating this.” Of course you don’t!
I’ve noticed that when I eat while on the phone, I don’t remember eating. It’s really sad. You just can’t enjoy your food while on the phone.
5. Walking - I like the fresh air, the sounds of birds singing, and the beauty of trees. Cell phones would take me out of the world I so want to immerse myself in.
6. Sleeping - Ever been called at 2 AM? It wasn’t anyone you knew, was it? Were they even speaking the same language you do? Yeah, I know… Planet Cell Phone finds yet another way to influence our lives.
7. Spending time with friends - Some people hang out with their friends just so they can have background noise for their phone conversations.
The 10th planet. It exists. It is real. And it effects you every day.
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July 4th, 2008 at 3:44 am
Hi Bamboo,
This is great! Personally I am getting to hate cell phones. My phone stays in the car (for my convenience - I make a call and then turn it off). I don’t drive and talk, and don’t like when others do either. Thank goodness states like California and Washington have passed the “no phone to the ear while driving” law.
I dislike when people are shopping next to me, talking on their phones, and even worse when they’re using a cell phone in a restaurant.
But the worst is when you’re talking to someone and they’re texting on their phone.
Question, If you eat and talk on the phone at the same time, and don’t remember eating, do the calories count?
July 4th, 2008 at 8:21 am
We went to very upscale chef restaurant last night. The food there is a form of art. The couple next to us was on their cell phones the entire evening. I’m sure they didn’t enjoy their food as much as they could have - but they also showed disrespect and lack of interest in each other.
July 4th, 2008 at 10:27 am
Ah the world is a safer place since bamboo forest doesn’t use his cell in the car while driving. Just you along driving on the street scares me lol. (you drive to slow)
July 4th, 2008 at 12:46 pm
Cell phones truly make an important role in my life. They keep me in touch with my friends and family, from virtually anywhere around the globe, but that doesn’t mean they can own my life. I’ve always made sure technology doesn’t make the best of me and I always like to unplugg once in a while. I just shut down my pc and my cell phone and get out of the city for a drive or a night’s out with my friends. No stress, no bothersome calls, no nothing.
July 4th, 2008 at 2:30 pm
@ Barbara Swafford: Unfortunately, the calories still count. However, this has never been scientifically studied - so who knows!
@ Vered: Interesting point. They paid all that money for food they were unconscious of eating
@ technokid88: The turtle won the race against the hare because he was persistent!
@ Tibi Puiu: You make an excellent point to the great value of planet Cell Phone. As your example is poignant. That sounds like a nice way to have a respite from the puter and phone.
July 4th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
I had actually written a thorough and detailed rant about cell phones in this very box you see here. However, due to my own… well, I don’t want to use the term “stupidity” but sadly it fits here, I forgot to fill in the required boxes above and as a result the fruits of my textual labor were lost amongst the various tubes of the internet. Tis quite the pity. Even more so, I am at a loss for time or patience to try and recreate such a glorious masterpiece.
I will, however, state that I do entirely agree with that which has been stated above.
And furthermore… PLUTO IS A PLANET DAMMIT, ANYONE WHOM STATES OTHERWISE SHALL BE SENT TO THE DUNGEONS! *shakes fist*
July 4th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Haha another good point of cellphones that I have used is during awkward silences or when I don’t want to talk to someone, I take out my cellphone and pretend to talk to someone or send a text.
July 4th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
Love your writing style, very entertaining to read. & some very well made points, agree completely with all of these!
And on your point about eating, I HATE when people call me and they are eating! I don’t want to hear you grazing down the phone thanks!
July 4th, 2008 at 3:42 pm
I agree that shouldn’t grant a celestial body planetary status and then unceremoniously rip it away. Who can we complain to about this?
I also agree that cell phone usage has gotten out of control. People will interrupt their “real life” conversations to answer their cell phone and start having a conversation with the person that just called them. That’s just rude.
July 4th, 2008 at 8:16 pm
What’s a cell phone?!!!
Only jesting, us Brits call them mobile phones and the issues are the same.
You might be interested in this compilation of clips from Dom Joly and his sizeable cell phone (or massive mobile) which portray the points you describe…
http://youtube.com/watch?v=21lOpV5c2OQ
July 4th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
@ Sakura: Hey, nice to see you! haha… It went into the ether
I really believe it was a glorious masterpiece. Hey, I’m glad you feel about Pluto as I do. Cheers.
@ Kevin: heh… Interesting methodology.
@ Liam: Thank you for the kind words! hehe, good point about the grazing.
@ Marelisa: Yes, you are right. What happened to the status of Pluto is simply unforgivable. Me and Flying LlamaFish are working on that as we speak.
@ Scott McIntyre: “mobile phones” Well, they are mobile, after all. Thanks for the video! I’m going to check it out.
July 4th, 2008 at 10:32 pm
I so have to agree with the eating while on the phone- I find it so distasteful- that no matter who called- I wished they hadn’t!!- can’t they give you several minutes of conversation without food in their mouths?- What are they doing- multi-tasking? I so don’t want to be on the receiving end of someone that decides to combine their dinner with a phone call to me!! I have quickly ended many conversations with people that choose to combine their dinner hour with a phone call.-
July 5th, 2008 at 1:53 am
Some people truly do live on the 10th planet.
July 5th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Ryan ~
This is wittingly written. It’s amazing how evasive this cell phone in our lives is. It’s a great handy tool of communication around the world but definitely with some major strings attached. As we’ve advanced as a society, technology has played an increasing role in controlling out lives. Some day there will be a professional degree in - Mind therapy for technology imbalance.
Shilpan
July 5th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
“People just don’t like to drive. It drives them crazy. So, they believe the antidote is calling a friend while they’re driving, and talking about nothing.”
I’m very familiar with this one–I’ve done it many, many times. Many, many times.
Problem is, talking on the cell phone while driving does negatively impact one’s driving ability and focus. I’m very familiar with that too.
Thus, I’ve been trying to cut down on the time I spend cell phoning while driving. Increasingly, I’d rather be bored but safe than entertained but dead.
July 5th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
Hi Bamboo,
Text messaging can be just as bad. Lately it’s been impossible to go to a movie without someone texting a friend. I don’t hear them, but in the dark theater, the ilght from their phone is very distracting. I’ve just come to accept it, because it seems like texting in theaters is here to stay.
July 5th, 2008 at 10:14 pm
P.S-. Bamboo- Your number 7 is SO exactly true!!- Couldn’t agree more with that particular observation of yours.- You put into perfect words a sentiment I have had for nearly as long as cell phones have been around. Chronic cell phone users lead you to believe that you are their second choice of who they really want to be with.
July 6th, 2008 at 1:41 pm
@ Pattti: Your sentiment is understandable.
@ Shilpan: I think you would be awesome at that position too (mind therapy for technology imbalance).
@ Jesse: I think you’ve made a wise decision. Boredom is certainly preferable to collision.
@ Al: Interesting point. And, why on earth would anyone text message while watching a movie?
July 7th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
I vacation on the 10th planet from time to time.
:( 
July 10th, 2008 at 1:07 am
@ Yydi: Me too.
July 15th, 2008 at 10:48 pm
@Yydi: In that sense, I’m on constant vacation. But vacation FROM the 10th planet!