Bloomin’ Onion and Mountain Dew: The Documentary
Mountain Dew photo by Compujeramey
Last week I was watching a film highly recommended by my mentor and nutritionist, Herbert. That film was Super Size Me. What I witnessed was downright appalling. As I sipped on my double chocolate brownie milkshake, I was subjected to blatant lie after lie.
Disgusted, I set out on a quest. A quest for truth. A quest to set the record straight once and for all. I decided to make my own superior documentary where I study the health benefits of consuming a delicious concoction of a meal directly before bedtime. The meal consists of a hearty portion of Bloomin’ Onion and Mountain Dew.
Here is the premise:
I shall adhere to certain daily rules for 90 days:
- I will eat an entire order of Bloomin’ Onion prior to falling asleep for 90 consecutive nights.
- Every night, I shall wash the Bloomin’ down with a 64 oz. Mountain Dew that the local movie theatre has graciously offered to provide.
- I will always consume the Bloomin’ Onion precisely 12 minutes before entering my golden slumber.
- I shall take approximately three times the recommended dose of Nyquil to ensure that I fall asleep shortly after consumption.
The contract I have signed comes with an array of perks:
- I will be reimbursed for up to $1,000 of medical bills if necessary. (Which it won’t be)
- If I am to survive (which I will), I will also receive a $200 dollar gift certificate to The Sizzler.
- I received the obvious signing bonus of 90 orders of Bloomin’ Onion and a glorious gift of 5,760 oz. of Mountain Dew (no ice).
I am currently on day seven of this experiment and feeling rather sick. This may be due to dehydration as I have occasionally left a sip or two of Mountain Dew untouched.
I want everyone to wish me luck, for I am doing this in the name of science.
Bloomin’ Onion and Mountain Dew: The Documentary - Coming to a theatre near you October 1, 2008.
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July 9th, 2008 at 2:35 am
Hi Bamboo,
I love blooming onions (but don’t eat them too often), but Nyquil gives me nightmares.
I wish you luck and look forward to the results of your experiment.
July 9th, 2008 at 3:07 am
That blooming onion does look really good and makes me want to go out and get one (thankfully I’m saved by the fact it’s midnight). Hm, I think Sizzler should pay you for this blog post.
July 9th, 2008 at 10:42 am
Wow you have to eat the most oily thing out there. I can only finish half of it.
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Good luck with it.
July 9th, 2008 at 11:28 am
I once read about an experiment where someone ate nothing but McDonalds for a month. They went to the doctor before and after the experiment for a check up. After 30 days of eating only McDonald’s the doctor told them it was as if they had aged 10 years during those 30 days. Food really does have an enormous impact on or health and well-being.
July 9th, 2008 at 1:17 pm
Blooming onion is delicious. If I consumed an entire order of it though, I think I’d feel a bit queasy.
July 9th, 2008 at 1:27 pm
I, as well, saw the McDonalds documentary. Even though I was expecting it to not be a good outcome, the results still surprised me. Whole grains, lean meats, fruits, and veggies - that’s where it’s at for me.
July 9th, 2008 at 2:00 pm
For some reason I got a huge urge to eat Sizzler buffalo wings after reading this…
July 9th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
This is awesome. I wish you were you actually doing it.
Of course, if you did, you’d be one sickly, overweight guy after three straight months of Bloomin Onion and Mountain Dew and excessive Nyquil every night.
Seriously…I love the idea. Do it.
July 9th, 2008 at 2:07 pm
Regarding the 30-day experiment to eat McDonald’s food, I recently read of someone else who did something similar: the person strictly ate only food from the McDonald’s menu, but only the healthy items such as salads. The person supposedly LOST weight. Not sure if it was a publicity stunt paid for by McDonald’s though.
Regarding the Blooming Onion experiment - you certainly have more courage than me. Good luck with it (I think you might need it!).
July 9th, 2008 at 5:56 pm
Wow! I have never seen or even heard of a Bloomin’ Onion, but boy does it look good…which means it must be really really bad for you! If you survive, can you start a Bloomin’ Onion franchise in Canada?
July 9th, 2008 at 9:36 pm
You get it at Outback Steakhouse
July 9th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Lindsay: I would be honored if Sizzler gave me a little something something. You should go get your hands on a Bloomin’ Onion as soon as possible!
Technokid: The oils in Bloomin’ Onion are known to have many nutritious qualities.
Marelisa: You are correct that food does have an enormous impact on our health and well being. I intend to set the facts straight!
Bamboo Forest: The trick is to get your body accustomed to such a delicious treat on a regular basis.
Lance: I respect your diet, but you are missing out!
Kevin: Follow your urges. Ask no questions.
Jesse Hines: I will do it! I am determined to complete the task at hand.
AL: Thank you for the luck! I will not let the world down. No siree!
Urban Panther: I will pull some strings and see what I can do.
July 10th, 2008 at 12:29 am
@ Barbara: Thank you. My brother is the one who has written this up. He will be encouraged by your words. And I agree… Blooming Onions is delicious!
July 10th, 2008 at 4:00 am
Hi Bamboo,
Thanks for letting me know it’s your brother’s post. So HE is the one on this diet.
July 10th, 2008 at 12:26 pm
Finally! Someone out there willing to reveal the truth! I commend you, Flying LlamaFish. Have you considered nominating yourself for a Nobel Prize?
July 12th, 2008 at 5:35 pm
How brave! How noble! We, the discerning public, thank you for making this sacrifice on our behalf in the name of onion science. I think your reward should also include a few bottles of Pepto, but hey, that’s just me.
July 12th, 2008 at 8:42 pm
Yydi: Thank you! I am patiently waiting for society to nominate me (hint hint).
plaidearthworm: Thanks! It is the least I can do for society and those that believe the blatant lies. I must spread the truth.