photograph by Neeta Lind’s

Happy Halloween, everyone!

It is my hope that no ghost or goblin inhabits your soul tonight. But even more importantly, may none of you be subjected to any of the following “treats.”

1. Candy Corn

Nothing says Halloween quite like candy corn. Nothing makes you want to lose your lunch quite as well as candy corn either.

2. Raisins

If you must give out raisins, have the decency to make sure they are chocolate covered. Don’t give Halloween a bad name.

3. Pennies

This isn’t 1907…. what good is a penny to a couple of kids dressed up like pirates?

No Halloween treat should be made from copper.

4. Toothbrushes

Only Satan himself would give out toothbrushes to trick-or-treaters.

5. Pickle-Flavored Popsicles.

You are basically begging trick-or-treaters to egg your house if you give these out.

6. Circus Peanuts

Even if you’ve never tried one, you know they’re atrocious just by looking at them.

7. Empty Cauldron With No Candy Left

Come on, Jeffersons, you know some snot-nosed bully is gonna take all the candy. Quit pretending like you are out of town, turn on your porch light, and give the tykes some treats.

Brought to you by Day 10 of Halloweelection

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Good evening, and thank you for visiting the Pun Intended Universe.

Together we stand at a crossroads. We stand just four days away from the single most important moment in P.I. history.

On November 3rd we will be asked to make a choice. We will be asked to dig deep within our hearts and minds and vote for the candidate that we believe will best lead Pun Intended into a glorious new era.

I strongly believe Herbert is that candidate, and I hereby endorse him for President of the P.I Council.

Here is why:

1. Herbert lives life to the fullest and encourages everyone around him to as well.
2. Herbert is an accomplished inventor. He has invented everything from robotic panda bears to invisibility cloaks.
3. Herbert is a real go-getter. When things need to get done, he does them. When the going gets tough, he gets creative. When Pun Intended runs into an obstacle, President Herbert will invent a way to overcome it.
4. Herbert rocks a viking costume harder than Flava Flav.
5. With his sights perpetually set on the future, Herbert will inspire all those that frequent the interweb. Hani, on the other hand, spends his existence pondering the depths of the universe. Hani meditates. Herbert accomplishes.
6. Herbert sips all his beverages through a silly straw. No exceptions!
7. Herbert brings excitement and innovation wherever he goes and he goes everywhere.

The very future of Pun Intended is at stake, and I have no doubt Herbert is the best choice for president.

Brought to you by Day 9 of Halloweelection

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As you all know, my dear P.I. readers, an election is soon to be held which will dictate the fate of P.I.

I trust you can appreciate the magnitude of this event. I also trust that you will select the candidate who is best qualified and whose vision will be of the greatest asset to our P.I. Universe.

Please listen thoughtfully to my sound reasons why we should all vote for Hani on Nov. 3rd.

1. He’s a fully enlightened being.

2. Herbert’s method to solve just about every issues that comes to light in the P.I. Universe is always the same: an invention. Sorry Herbert, sometimes we require more for a solution than your silly concoctions. Oh, I don’t know… maybe like a flying whale who can give us the advice and guidance we really need?

3. Do you really want Herbert to become President of the P.I. Council; the man who once spent two weeks floating 15,000 feet above the earth, in nothing more than a lawn chair suspended by helium balloons, going from Honolulu to Miami?

4. Hani is as elegant as he is wise. Herbert, on other hand, sips all his beverages through a silly straw. To have him become President of P.I. is embarrassing.

5. Herbert’s Campaign Promise is “more costume parties.” Hani’s is “a Pun Intended Universe filled with wisdom, justice and integrity.” Need I say more?

6. He’s a flying whale for crying out loud; how could you not vote for him?

7. It’s the wise choice.

I think the choice is a clear one. With so much riding on this election, how could you not vote for Hani?

Brought to you by Day 8 of Halloweelection

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We are just a few short days away from a historic election. On November 3rd (and 4th), the first ever President of the P.I. Council will be chosen.

Three inhabitants of the P.I. Universe have been nominated for the coveted position, and they all represent a vastly different future.

Allow me to introduce the candidates:

When the P.I. polls open at 12:01 AM (EST) on November 3rd, each and everyone of you will be given the opportunity to make history.

I encourage you all to vote. The fate of the P.I. Universe and all that it stands for rests in your hands. And whether you have small hands, large hands, or hairy hands, your voice shall be heard.

Stay tuned for more on this historic election in the coming days…

Brought to you by Day 7 of Halloweelection

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1. Morgan Freeman

If anyone is qualified to occupy the Oval Office, it’s Mr. Freeman. He more than proved his presidential prowess with his role in Deep Impact.

You can bet your brussel sprouts that Conan would be one fun president. Just imagine how entertaining his annual State of the Union Address would be.

Who wouldn’t want a president with the force on their side. The fact that he is green, tiny, and 900 years young is just icing on the cake.

4. Gary Coleman

7. Cap’n Crunch

Illustration by ~CousinWoofer

The guy resembles an abnormally jolly George Washington. As president, the Cap’n would make it happen.

Brought to you by Day 6 of Halloweelection

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Once every decade (or so) a movie comes along that forever influences the movie making process.

Let me provide you with some examples:

• 30s: Gone With The Wind
• 40s: Citizen Kane
• 60s: 2001: A Space Odyssey
• 70s: Star Wars
• 80s: Indiana Jones

Well, the 90s eventually came around and Bill Cosby didn’t waste any time. The quintessential movie of the decade was released in the year 1990. The film I am referring to, of course, is Ghost Dad.

The premise of the movie speaks for itself: Basically, Mr. Cosby’s character dies and comes back as a ghost. Not even death will keep him from taking care of his three children.

So, here is how to fully enjoy Halloween in 5 easy steps:

1. Put Ghost Dad in your DVD or VCR player
2. Munch on some candy corn and guzzle a 64 oz. Mr. Pibb
3. Get comfortable
4. Press play
5. Let the good times roll

Forget Trick-or-Treating. Forget Halloween parties. All of the Halloween you’ll ever need is packed into 83 minutes of cinematic glory.

Did I mention Ghost Dad can walk through walls and float?

Brought to you by Day 5 of Halloweelection

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Illustration by ~elodiejones

What do you know about the White House other than it being white?

Yeah, me neither…

Did you know there’s a staff position called, “Minister of Design”? This little known occupation is in charge of making interior changes.

I must admit, much of my motivation for writing this post is because I know many of McCain and Obama’s people are reading… Though I’d like to believe I was writing this exclusively for your reading pleasure, it would not be entirely accurate. By the time this post goes live, there is significant probability I will be expeditiously made Minister of Design.

My changes would revolutionize the White House.

Changes I plan on instituting:

(more…)

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