Wonders of the World


7 Atrocities of The Mouth

Wednesday, November 12th, 2008


Illustration by ~GothicSky

Have you noticed how much attention the mouth demands? Billions of dollars every year pour into the pockets of orthodontists, dentists, as well as companies named Crest. I don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel anytime soon, but let us examine this atrocity anyways.

1. Braces

If you have a couple thousand dollars laying around, not to mention a penchant for pain - you too can have steel cemented to your enamel. Why join the military to build character when you can spend three years with braces? Every six weeks you get to test your mettle, with what is known as the great “tightening.” Children from all over the globe agonize over this - and for good reason: anything connected to your mouth that requires a wrench isn’t good.

2. Silver fillings

We all know what silver fillings really are. They are implants that receive signals from  government shadow groups - controlling the votes of voters who have them. With every election, there is enough of the populace with these fillings to sway the final outcome. Voting is indeed futile.

3. Retainer

The fun never seems to end; you get the braces off and now get plastic fun. What’s great about retainers is they give you a slur when you speak. The chicks dig it too.

4. Mouthwash

Who doesn’t love a bottle of liquid fire? Put the green stuff in your mouth straight up, and swish it around for 10 minutes nonstop. Do this and be admitted into the Guinness book of world records. I dare you.

5. Rubber bands

Braces are the trunk of a tree, with many branches of fun. Say hello to rubber bands. To tell you what it’s like to have an office supply utilized in your mouth is like trying to explain what surfing an avalanche feels like. You would have to experience it to know.

6. Headgear

Headgear… Headgear… Headgear… I, Bamboo Forest, wore this abomination during a trying time in my life. There is much to say about this contraption and none good. A bit belongs in the mouth of a horse - not a human being.

And headgear sounds really intense. Use headgear if you’re flying in the space shuttle - but for crying out loud - no dental work should require headgear.

Some of you parents out there do something unspeakable. You force your children to go to school while wearing one of these abominations. You should be ashamed of yourself! And if you think it’s a good investment for your child’s future - for having that perfect smile - think again.

Do you have any idea how much therapy the kid is gonna need after he survives (if he does) the horrors of going to school with this contraption on? Do you even have a clue? Think about it.

7. Floss

I highly recommend you don’t floss unless you want those big mouth corporations getting even richer. Not to mention, it makes your gums bleed.

p.s. - please don’t think of me any differently - now that you know I once wore headgear.

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7 Things That Happen in Movies - But Probably Not to You

Friday, October 3rd, 2008

Do you watch movies? Unless you live in an insane asylum, you probably do.

Movies are wonderful. They capture the imagination in ways no other medium does. But I’ve noticed something a tad peculiar after a while; there are things that happen in movies that don’t happen to me. Is this true for you too? Let’s get to the bottom of this, together.

1. Bumping Into that Pretty Girl in the Hallway


Photo by lizzyie

Actually, this did happen to me, long ago. But the outcome, well, wasn’t exactly what I hoped for.

It happened after 3rd period, World History class. I was rushing to get to Geography class, when I absent-mindedly ran into a beautiful black haired, brown eyed girl. Her books spilled to the ground from the force of my stupid collision. I briefly stood there in shock - then immediately got on my hands and knees, picking them up.

“I am so sorry, what an idiot!” I said, as I was handing, her books.

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Wikipedia: The Holy Grail

Wednesday, August 27th, 2008

“Those who seek the truth, seek Wikipedia.” - anonymous

Since the dawn of mankind, we have perpetually sought out the answers to life’s questions.

Who are we? Why are we here? What does the future hold? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

For thousands of years we have searched high and low. We have crossed continents. We have cured diseases. We have even landed on the moon. We have accomplished more than ever thought possible. Yet, the more we achieved as a species, the more we yearned to know.

In the early years, we looked toward philosophers to provide us with the answers we sought. These brilliant minds gave it their all, but could never quite figure it all out.

As time passed and society progressed, we resorted to almanacs, encyclopedias and atlases as our primary sources of information. These books were good, but not good enough.

The World Wide Web was brought to the masses in the 1990s, and along with it a new hope. An almost bottomless pit of information quickly became available at our finger tips. Powerful search engines such as Yahoo, Google, and Ask Jeeves quickly scoured the internet for whatever we asked. We were on the right track, but not even the charming Jeeves had all the answers.

On a winter’s day in 2001, the flood gates finally opened.

I speak of the historic moment we were dared to, “ask not what your World Wide Web can do for you, but what you can do for your World Wide Web.”

I speak of the glorious moment when people all over this great earth threw their Encyclopedia Britannicas in the dustbin of history.

I speak of the historic moment when high school and college textbooks became obsolete.

I speak of the glorious moment when thousands of years of knowledge became consolidated into one ultimate source.

This moment that I speak of is when wikipedia.org went live.

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Sparkles of the City

Friday, June 13th, 2008


Photo by The Wandering Angel

Go to the roof of your building and look out at the rows and rows of sparkles that stretch across the metropolis.

What is it that you see?

I’ll tell you what I see. I see a hundred thousand stories sparkling back at me. These aren’t merely lights; they’re people’s homes. In every light lives residents who all have a story. Think of every event you’ve ever experienced in your life, if you counted them, what would it come to? I’d bet larger than you can conceive - and they’d make up your story.

Next time you gaze out onto the city lights, bear in mind: each one is a treasure chest of untold tales speckled throughout.

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Tribes Who Have Never Been Contacted by Modern Man Exist

Saturday, May 31st, 2008


Photo by quinet

Isolated tribe Spotted in Brazil

Can you believe that as we speak there are people on planet earth living out their lives who have never been discovered by modern man? I find it absolutely breath taking.

According to the article, “More than half the world’s 100 uncontacted tribes live in Brazil or Peru, Survival International says.”

Where do the other half live, I’d like to know. Parts of unexplored Africa perhaps?

The tribe spoken of in this article, was photographed during fly overs of one of the most remote regions of the Amazon jungle.

If you look at the photographs in the link, you can see some of the natives pointing their bows and arrows at the aircraft as it’s flying over.

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The Beauty of Cloudy Days

Tuesday, May 27th, 2008


Photo by 2ndlight.com

I love cloudy days; seldom do they happen in my neck of the woods. A deep cloudy day informs us all that we really don’t live in the Truman Show — our atmosphere is alive man!

Cloudy days inspire. They are days when insight can be found. Whereas sunny days are expansive — it’s the cloudy days that keeps us in a smaller space — seeing less broad but deeper into what we do see.

It’s like being in a cabin immersed in the forest versus being in a cabin overlooking a mountain vista. You see less, but notice more. When rain begins to fall from the clouds, your breadth of sight diminishes even further.

In the land of no clouds, I am grateful when one dawns.

So don’t be so quick to cast off those cloud filled days of enchantment. They are worthy of our celebration. Unless, of course, you live in a place like Seattle; that’s when having a little too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.

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The Precious Second

Thursday, May 1st, 2008


Photo credit:2ndlight.com

Have you had a precious second? It can be found in any sport, and even any activity. It is as precious as gold, and as transitory as life.

For me, the precious second can be found in its most profound, purest, and repeatable of times while I’m surfing.

This intense second is a moment in time — measurably insignificant in terms of a stop watch — but in the realm of inspiration, impact, and feeling it is more intense and more profound than hours on end of another activity which has not yet reached this pinnacle of experience.

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