Glory of the Snot Rocket « Pun Intended
Written by Bamboo Forest

Few things in life cause as much misery as having the sniffles and no tissue paper around; it’s the pits and then some.

You know the drill… every four seconds you desperately inhale through your nose, frantically obsessed with preventing snot from meandering onto your face like lava flowing down a volcano. But when you do this you look and sound like a jerk. You’re a human being, not an ant eater.

It’s pathetic to say the least.

There is, however, a way out of this self induced misery. And to come perfectly clean — I use it all the time. Some scoff at this strategy to free themselves from the endless snot reservoir; I consider them martyrs. They’re too damn good for this method; they’d rather sit around and frantically inhale through their nose the whole day so that the snot doesn’t exit. But in my book… that’s a colossal waste of energy.

Hey, if you want to go that path, that’s your business. But there is a better way.

The Snot Rocket

Though I can’t fathom people not knowing this term… for those who do not know what a snot rocket is, let’s consult the Urban Dictionary:

When you plug one nostril with your finger, and blow out the other nostril with everything you have, sending a snot projectile out of the nose.

Without tissue, all I could do to clear my nose was to blow a snot rocket.

The snot rocket is older than time itself. Long before tissue ever came into existence, the snot rocket was used by cave men to clear their schnoz of mucus. And yet, its legacy lives on. It lives on through the lives of those who aren’t stubborn and want to be free from the deluge of mucus, regardless of whether tissue is present.

Recently I was on a long walk and my schnoz wouldn’t quit. If I had 1/10th the perseverance my mucus reservoir had that day — I’d have already won the Nobel Prize three times by now. While on this walk I was playing the martyr role. You know, opting to incessantly inhale inward to keep the mucus from spilling out (a losing proposition). Finally, I just about had it and screamed, “NOO MOORE!”

I took my finger and firmly pressed it against one nostril while taking a deep breath… And then… WOOOOOSHHHHH!!!! I blew harder than the big bad wolf and out shot the source of all my misery: snot.

Tell me, friends, having the choice between incessantly breathing inward with the hope of preventing snot from rolling onto your face vs. merely blowing out a snot rocket and being free.

What’s it going to be?

19 Responses to “Glory of the Snot Rocket”
  1. Bamboo finally a post that requires little thought! Thank you.

    I think I normally breathe inward, though next time I find myself in that situation I may have to launch a snot rocket

  2. I’m not sure I needed to read this. πŸ™

  3. @ Nate: If you don’t have tissue and you’re outside, I highly recommend you use the snot rocket method. It’s so liberating.

    @ Vered: Of course you needed to read this. I’m trying to liberate mankind from the insane practice of the breathing inward over and over again. It’s torture.

  4. Sal says:

    Ahh, the snot rocket, a well known friend to any water-based athelete. Some may argure that it is gross, I say no it snot.

  5. @ Sal: “It’s snot” good call! And right you are… It makes perfect sense when you’re without a tissue.

    The alternative is far worse.

  6. patti says:

    Funny post-
    It’s nice to see an intellectual- such as you- has a funnier side! ! Made me laugh!! I’ll keep your post in mind- next time I don’t have a tissue handy!-
    Never thought about the alternative of not having a tissue!!!- but it seems like it would work!

  7. Marelisa says:

    I don’t know Bamboo, I personally always have tissue paper nearby πŸ™‚

  8. Tabbie says:

    aka Farmer Blow πŸ™‚ Ewwwwwwwwwwwww =P

  9. @ Marelisa: Well… You run the abundance blog… You are filled with abundancy – including tissues. You’re wise.

    @ Tabbie: I’ve never heard that tem for it. Thanks for the contribution.

  10. Sara says:

    I laughed all the way through this post. To be honest, I have never heard of a snot rocket…but I know what one is now. Thanks to you.

    While I’d prefer to have a tissue around, but I guess if I didn’t have one I might try a snot rocket. Of course, this depends on where I am…the last thing I want is for my snot rocket to make it’s landing on someone else!

    Oh, and I hope I nowhere around when someone who reads this post decides to try their own snot rocket!!!

  11. @ Patti: It definitely works. I’m not saying it can’t be a tad messy. But I think snot rolling onto our face is messy too.

    @ Sara: Glad you found it of value. That’s what P.I. is here for. We spread the truth about life and living to the masses.

    You will master the snot rocket in time.

  12. Ryan says:

    Holy shnap! I just realized that if we were all snot-rocketing-it we would save millions a year in paper products and single-handedly eliminate the need for land-fills (and Kleenex). Or not.

    Either way, I’d like to know your exact technique. Specifically, what angle do you hold your head at while rocketing your snot? When I’ve tried (in the past…) I’ve ended up with snot streaks across my face and shirt. Maybe some nostrils are not angled right?

  13. FupDuckTV says:

    I’ve always heard this called a Kentucky Kleenex.

  14. tracy says:

    so what do you do if the rocket doesn’t completely clear the launching pad? how do you discreetly swing that misfire away from the sight of others without risking an unsightly stain? that has to be one of the drawbacks yes?

  15. @ Ryan: Indeed. The snot rocket is as environmentally friendly as can be. I hear it’s good fertilizer for the vegetable patch too.

    My head is turned in slightly. I actually use the knuckle to keep the opposite nostril at bay.

    Yes… If my snot is watery, which is usually the case – I always get some on my hands : ( But it’s worth it!

    @ FupDuckTV: Kentucky kleenex? I guess different parts call it different names. Thanks for the education.

    @ Tracy: Yes, it doesn’t always completely clear the launching pad. I use my hand to rub off the residue.

    I usually do the snot rocket alone, admittingly. In front of people is pushing it. Though, if they are the right kind of people – I definitely would.

    That could be a drawback. But I use my hands to wipe the residue away. The skin doesn’t stain.

  16. Ryan says:

    Okay… now I’m slightly nauseated. With your hands? But whatever fluffs your skirt! I remember snot rockets being all the rage back when I ran cross-country in high school. When you’ve got to rocket the snot, you’ve got to rocket the snot, so I always tried it while running. I do remember tilting my head in a bit… but maybe I miscalculated the wind speed and direction?

    I’ll have to practice. Alone though. And don’t tell my wife.

  17. @ Ryan: It gets on my hands mostly from when I rub my nose from any remaining residue after the snot rocket has been cleared. Bear in mind, it’s often watery in nature – which is why it keeps leaking out – at least for me.

    I see many people who keep inhaling and rub their nose with their hand too, and yet really not getting any relief. That is a sham if I ever saw one.

    Your secret is safe with me. And our readers.

  18. Fenix says:

    So would you then not reccomend doing this indoors, say at work? Also – Ryan mentioned saving on tissue by snot rocketing…wouldn’t that be counter-intuitive for the global warming that we are all trying to accomplish? just sayin! πŸ˜€

  19. jesse says:

    Been doing that for years, even seen mom’s do it and help their kids, well, in WalMart anyway… think about it, something’s trying like hell to get out of your system and you keep sniffing it back? Kind of like trying to reabsorb sweat just to keep from offending someone. That’s all it’s about really. Not nearly as gross as watching my dad, rest his soul, pull a handkerchief from his pocket, blow a big one, wrap it up and put it back in his pocket………of course he didn’t have to do the laundry… where’s the sense in saving a useless bodily fluid? It’s something evil wanting out…… let it rip…. there, I feel better now.

Leave a Reply