The Build Up to My Leaving for The Amazon

Photo by runneralan2004

Phone Rings.

Hello.

Hey Bamboo, it’s Philippe, how ya doing?

Hey Philippe. Doing good! When you comin’ back to the states, dude?

I dunno. So busy helping my father with his four wheeler business. Its been crazy. Tourists love driving those things through the rainforest.

So awesome, dude. I so want to try.

You’re welcome to come and visit any time.

I just wish I was back in the states playing ball with you. We were a great duo.

Tell me about it.

Hey, have you seen the f@%king news lately? It’s like the world’s ending or something. And what’s up with that sink hole in Guatemala?

Haha, yeah. The news has been nuts. It’s enough to make you want to leave the world behind and retreat to the Amazon sheltered from the impending doom of our society.

Wait… what did you just say…?
————-

Philippe attempted to convince me his sentiment about retreating to the Amazon was just a joke. And that no sane person would trek into the Amazon, attempt to contact an uncontacted tribe and hope they’d accept him as one of them. Instead, he told me the most likely scenario is they’d kill him. (We’ll see about that).

We spoke for hours and the whole time he tried persuading me that I was acting loony and that death would greet me in the jungle long before I found my way to an uncontacted tribe.

I wasn’t having it. I was determined to join a tribe in the Amazon. Only death could stand in my way.

When he realized persuading me was futile, he offered to assist me. He figured that if I was going to do this with or without him, he might as well use his father’s business as a launching pad for my journey. At least then there was a chance he could find and rescue me once I realized “how unpleasant living in the jungle actually is.”

But I knew he’d never find me because I planned on journeying into the Amazon without turning back as he predicted.

Since I knew I’d never return, I took out a 2,000 dollar loan prior to leaving for Brazil.

I flew to Philippe’s father’s business in Brazil, purchased some survival gear and a little bit of food.

Philippe fueled up a four wheeler and gave me a map. He explained to me that the ATV would take me 35 miles in. But after that, the brush gets too thick and I’d have to travel the rest by foot (400 miles). He also gave me a compass and a GPS unit, pinpointing exactly where the uncontacted tribe was last spotted from a recent flyover.

My mission of retreating to the Amazon and joining an uncontacted tribe is about to begin. Nothing will stand in my way. I’m determined to survive the prophesized end of humanity, do you hear me? Most everyone will die (meaning you). But not me, I’ll be in a place so vast, most of its never been explored.

I’m just about to start the engine of this four wheeler. God, I love these things.

I really don’t know if you’ll ever get another blog post from me again. And my brother? He’s busy with his stupid baby and animal site.

The engine’s started. The laptop’s in my bag.

I’m out.

Photo by jonrawlinson