My Crazy Experience at Open Mic Night

Written by Bamboo Forest

Photo by deneyterrio

Between July and November we didn’t publish a single post; we opted to wait for relaunch.

And, frankly, I was going absolutely bonkers. I need to create and I need to express my creation to other humanoids. It’s what I do, silly!

So I about had it and happen to come across an ad in the local paper, advertising a swanky cafe having open mic night. I said to myself: This is brilliant! I’ll simply take a post I’ve already written to be published after relaunch and read it aloud to the audience; they’ll freaking love it!

And of course that’s what I expected. You see how many joyous comments we get around here. I figured, of course I’ll get a thunderous applause when I’m done. I’m Bamboo Forest, after all

Things didn’t go quite as expected…

I got up on stage and started reciting a post about the Power of Focus, how focus is an intrinsic element to success. When I finally finished reading it, I waited there, anticipating a thunderous applause so powerful that people nearby would mistake it for an earthquake.

But this didn’t exactly happen…

As soon as I finished, the only thing I could hear was my heart pounding from the total self consciousness that I now found myself swimming in. When I was just about to walk off stage I started hearing a sudden commotion — but instead of applause it was boos emanating from the entire crowd.

To be honest… I felt paralyzed and like I was about to cry and started to question my usual disposition of believing I’m a bad ass.

As I stood there in shock it only got worse… someone threw a banana peel and it slapped me in my forehead, sticking there for a few moments before sliding off. I wanted death instantaneously!

Then an obese man stood up with a robust mustache and glasses and said, “You totally suck, kid. Never come back.”

I wasn’t going to give up so quickly, however. I had an inner belief that just maybe I could turn it all around and get the audience on my side. Hell… that’s what my inspirational blog posts would have me do, wouldn’t they?!

I stood there gathering all my strength and tried to be confident, but all that came out was a feeble, low voice, “Ummm… PI Revolution…?” What a disaster! The mic screeched while I said it and my voice went from a pathetic low to high pitch.

A lady with purple hair and piercings stood up in the front row and loudly said, “You’re a dip shit.”

As I heard her utterance, I felt as if I was being punched in the stomach by every bully to ever live.

Finally I noticed a shadow in the back row rise up and scream in an angry tone, “GET OUT OF HERE!!!”

It startled me and a tear slowly glided down my cheek from the total humiliation of it all.

Photo by RJ Bejil

In response, I hastily put the mic down, but in my rush… I managed to fumble the mic holder; it slammed to the ground making a sound that seemed to echo throughout the entire cosmos. Hysterical giggles erupted from every direction; I felt like I was just plunged into hell.

I frantically picked the mic holder back up, put the mic back on as fast as I could and got the hell out of there. I noticed more tears showering down my cheeks while running. Even when I got to the parking lot I felt like a trail of laughter was following me. This was a real low for me and the “PI Empire” if there ever was one.

I hopped in my car and got the hell out of there and knew, at this hour, there was only one place for me to go. Denny’s.

I walked into Denny’s with my chin to the ground like there was a magnet directing it there; I was completely humiliated and feeling like I lost my manhood.

I asked for two tall glasses of chocolate milk and a funny straw.

So there I was, Bamboo Forest, sitting at Denny’s at midnight trying to drink my sorrows away.

After a little while of me just sitting there looking like everything I ever stood for left me in one fell swoop, one of the bus boys comes up to me and says, “What’s the matter, kid? Listen, we all have our bad days.”

Right there and then I felt as if the heavens parted and a bolt of lightning sprung forth striking me, charging me with endless inspiration! While on PI a big part of my job is to speak absolute gibberish and crazy talk, I’m also a bona fide inspiration writer!

“You know… you’re right,” I told him.

I paused in reflection, thinking to myself “What the hell is wrong with me?! Did I forget to remind myself that my name is Bamboo Forest?!”

“Let me tell you something, sir… We need to be like a river. In fact… in a post I wrote recently, I spoke about how a river is the ultimate metaphor for a wise life.” And on and on I went. The bus boy listened intently to every word I had to say.

I noticed he had become teary eyed in the course of our talk. At the conclusion of my discourse, he grabbed me by the shoulders and shaked me abruptly (catching me off guard to be honest), and says to me, “Bamboo! You’re so right! This whole time I wasn’t pursuing my dreams because I believed what everyone told me; that I couldn’t make it; that I wasn’t good enough. But as you say, I need to be more like the river who moves in spite of what others say or think!”

With a burst of joy in my heart I smiled.

He quickly took his bib off and lunged it toward the ground. Next thing you know he’s storming out of Denny’s — on his way out, he looked at his manager for a few  pauses, then shouts, “I’m outta here; I’m going to pursue my dreams!” and off he went.

There I am, going from feeling like a bucket of dung to feeling like I just got my mojo back. I felt like a million Benjamin Franklins for crying out loud!

And best of all… there was still a tall glass of chocolate milk in front of me.

P.S. - That night at Denny’s I learned… That no one, not even some crazy yuppie at an open mic night could ever bring me down. I’m Bamboo Forest and I write for the PI Blog. Any questions? :*)