Ever had a moment to yourself when you gave off a long breath of peace and contentment? The one that says, “It’s so wonderful to be alive.”
I have, many times in fact. Every time I sit on the can with a good book I express this. Men across the globe look forward to this sacred moment for peace and respite. It’s in our blood. And yes, I speak for ALL men. If you women out there also take great pleasure in this activity – share your experiences in the comment section please; can’t wait to hear from you.
Reading while sitting on the can is the closest environment there is to when we were back in the security of our mother’s womb. It radiates peace and warmth. It’s a primal pleasure men will always love.
When sitting behind a locked door immersed between four walls, nothing negative can touch you. Your boss? What can he do? You’re on the John. That’s not his domain at the moment. It’s yours. Here there is no fear. No worries. No problems. Just bliss.
The ex-girlfriend? The wife? Think again – this is your domain. This is your oasis amidst a world of insanity. You are the boss now – even if it’s only for a few measured minutes. Bliss that only lasts a couple of minutes is still bliss (though for some of you, it’s closer to a half hour).
Even the high school bully wouldn’t dare go near you during your sacred time on the can. He’s scum – don’t get me wrong – but even he doesn’t tread here, though he will wait until you’re finished.
I’ve got a little secret for my Pun Intended readers. Whenever I’m about to sit on the can I don my head with a crown first. That’s right, I wear a metal crown I purchased while on a trip to Europe. Because in a very real way, I feel like a king when partaking in such a pleasure.
Some men have started breaking out the portable DVD player in preparation to sit on the throne. I’m against this. Call me old fashion if you will, but I believe reading is the most traditional and spirited of choices amidst the King’s Quarters.
What do you think?
Illustration by ~Selvo
I’ve always believed the best place to spend a few hours while the in-laws are visiting is in the bathroom. What are they going to do?
Oh, it’s time to wash dishes? Sorry, I’ve really got to go!
Amen!
-Nate
it seems that you like to read books a lot
that helps you get more i guess, or you wont have so many thoughts
hope well
You had me with the title on this one, King Bamboo.
I was laughing as I read this as it apparently is true. The same doesn’t apply to me, but I can’t speak for all women.
Are you for real? Oh my, that just cracked me up big time, and now I’ve got the silly image of the crown engraved in my brain.
Thank you for a wonderful Friday smile!
Daisy
@ Ryan: That’s brilliant, and don’t think I won’t use that technique. I’ll even wear my crown the whole time.
@ Nate: Amen brotha!
@ Sandy: I try to read many books, though I don’t read all that many.
@ Barbara: “King Bamboo” ha! I am King Bamboo when I’m sitting on the throne, of course.
@ Daisy: Of course I’m for real. You’re welcome. Happy Friday!
The best part is Ryan doesn’t read books in there EVER unless my parents are around… But I have the (bad/good) habit of it… and sometimes a good sudoku game works too. I should try to find a crown somewhere…
first the snot rocket and now the joys of the bathroom – what bodily function will you tackle next bamboo forest?
Ha Ha very funny!!
You know you can actually purchase a “throne” style toilet for about $10,000- high- backed and carved from precious woods!. Or on the low end of affordability- an adorable king or queen potty seat is available at Target for $59.95-You have the choice of King or Queen style potty throne! So out goes your theory that “the throne” is a man’s thing!!
@ Sarah: Though I speak out adamantly about using a DVD player while on the can – sudoku is classy.
@ Tracy: Rest assured, I will tackle them all.
@ Patti: Interesting. I simply use my imagination when I’m on the can. It’s a more affordable way to go.
@ Tabbie: When you are about to enjoy a good meal – do you rush? Isn’t eating slowly to elongate the pleasure worthwhile?
Indeed, enjoy your time on the throne.
There’s no greater throne!
Have it your way, and have fun on the throne…For me, I rather have fresh air!!!
@ Flying LlamaFish: Nope. None.
@ BC Doan: Well… what about a toilet out in the fresh air? Wouldn’t that be somethign special? Ah…. Project!
Not me! I can’t get outta there fast enough. My boyfriend on the other hand, goes in with a small battery-operated radio
@ Davina: You boyfriend sounds like a really swell guy. A man of great character.
Battery-operated radio? I love it.
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This is hilarious. It’s one of those gender-divided mysteries I’ve always puzzled over. I like your “mother’s womb” theory, but I still don’t understand why I don’t feel it. My husband, who prefers Sudoku to reading on the can, has another theory. It has something to do with men standing to pee…not sitting as often on the toilet as women do…wow. There’s really no way to explain it without feeling really embarrassed, so I’ll let you all run with it in your own minds.
@ Kristin T.: Your husband’s theory is one to be reckoned with. I like it.