Lunchables: Turkey and Cheddar
Stackers: Turkey & Cheddar
My epic journey began when I opened my refrigerator door. A great variety of gourmet cuisines appeared before my very eyes. My seers glided past fresh papaya, enticing sashimi, and a savory cut of filet mignon. Everything looked beyond delicious, but on this particular late night I was craving something a little less exquisite. Through the corner of my left retina, a colorful box of fun caught my eye. It was a Kraftbrand Lunchables box. I was one step closer to appeasing my 3 a.m. appetite.
The arguably pleasant aroma of processed goodness became unleashed as I quickly opened the Lunchables box and unsealed the plastic wrap. I was starving and my inner wildebeest wanted to devour every morsel of food in the "Fun Pack," but I held back momentarily. I decided to make an attempt to enjoy this cuisine as I enjoy the most gourmet of foods. I was determined to take the food consumption process slowly and to truly appreciate it.
Five compartments seperate the feature presentations of the meal.
1. Lean white turkey
2. Kraft pasteurized prepared cheddar cheese product
3. Ritz crackers
4. Capri Sun: Roarin' Waters Tropical Fruit
5. Skittles
As soon as I unsealed the package, the three components of the main course yearned to join forces in a charming love triangle of sorts.
The main course is composed of rounded turkey slices, square cheese slices, and Ritz crackers. I dove right in and began stacking. I grabbed a Ritz cracker and set it down on top of the box. I then put a slice of rounded turkey on top of the cracker. A slice of cheese completed the stacker. Each ingredient had a very particular processed smell.
The fusion of flavor brought upon by the combination of ingredients was anything but subtle. While a slice of the turkey or cheese on its own would not taste very impressive, the combined flavor of the two with a crunchy Ritz cracker on the bottom is surprisingly satisfying. Though tasty, the stackers have a strong processed taste. You would not want to eat them often, but on some occasions they may be just the thing your taste buds are looking for.
After finishing my first stacker, my throat naturally became a bit parched. The Kraft brand provided me with the antidote to my thirst. Included in the Fun Pack is the Roarin' Waters Tropical Fruit flavored Capri Sun. The beverage is remarkable. It tastes like any sugary fruit flavored drink, but is actually merely water with fruit flavor. It tasted great with the turkey and cheese stackers and is healthier than most fruit flavored drinks to boot. It is sort of ironic that a somewhat healthy drink is included in a meal that is basically the opposite of what most would consider healthy.
I eventually ate my last stacker, but the fun was anything but over. Included in the Lunchables box is a small bag of Skittles. Kraft included an odd dessert choice at first glance. I mean, who eats Skittles for dessert? But, in the greater context of a meal so incredibly processed that the turkey has taken the form of a rubbery wheel, it makes perfect sense. I was destined to taste the rainbow, and taste the rainbow I did. I ate every last Skittle and my palate became somewhat cleansed.
Closing Comments
So, I just finished my Lunchables meal and I’m sitting here. I feel slightly queasy. My teeth ache from the onslaught of compacted sugars and abnormally processed meat. My tongue is purple, blue, orange, and red. Am I going to eat a Lunchables again any time soon? No. Will I ever consume one again? I have a hunch I will, but ask me again in about three months.
2 marsupials (out of 5)
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