The Art and Beauty of Splitting The Defense « Pun Intended
Written by Bamboo Forest


Photo by funkdooby

I have an odd passion that you’ve probably never heard of.

I endearingly call it ‘splitting the defense’.

Have you ever been walking and you noticed a couple holding hands approaching and you unintentionally forced them to dehand while you walked in between them?

If you’ve done the above, you’ve effectively split the defense.

While most folk don’t do this intentionally, I frequently invest long afternoons pursuing this scenario because I derive incalculable joy from it.

To enhance my enjoyment of this hobby even more, I often utter the words “booya baby” as I’m walking between the couple that dehanded because of my trajectory.

Now I’m not the kind of guy looking for a fight which is why I say these words in a low tone of voice, slowly, just loud enough for there to be a good shot the couple hears it, but not loud enough they’re certain I uttered anything.

To say I experience delight uttering these words while passing between a couple is a huge understatement.

When I’m feeling really gutsy and going for glory and I’m spending my afternoon at a mall or a country fair, I’ll actually seek out the same couple multiple times over an entire day.

Yes… I’ve split the defense as much as three or four times on the same couple in one afternoon and I’m so skilled at it, that while they probably think it’s fishy, it’s almost impossible they could reach the conclusion that I was doing it intentionally.

I’m that good at it.

I’m pretty sure some folk are going to criticize my hobby saying it’s creepy, but they’re probably the kind of folk that don’t get much exercise.

Do you have any idea how much walking I do over  the course of eight hours when my entire focus is seeing how many couples I can split the defense on?

It’s downright exhausting yet immeasurably rewarding as well.

P.S. – Some have asked if I’d engage this hobby if I had a girlfriend and the answer is of course I would. You don’t stop doing things you love as soon as you get into a relationship, know what I mean?

2 Responses to “The Art and Beauty of Splitting The Defense”
  1. What an intriguing passion. I’ll have to try it out for myself immediately. Gotta run…

  2. The great Aldorini says:

    To enhance my enjoyment of this hobby even more, I often utter the words “booya baby” as I’m walking between the couple

    LMAO!!!

    had me crackin up. very funny : )

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