The Art of Artery Clogging: A Recipe

In early 1909, William Howard Taft took over as the 27th President of the United States of America. An avid food lover, he loved nothing more than a dinner party with friends and family.

During his first year in office he threw several social gatherings. At the time, a renowned culinary master held the position as official White House chef. With every dinner party, President Taft would challenge the chef to outdo his previous efforts. As a result, the dishes gradually became more and more extravagant.

On September 14, 1909 — the eve of Taft’s 52nd birthday, the chef unveiled his ultimate concoction. After just one bite of the secret dish, the president immediately proclaimed it the best thing his taste buds had ever been acquainted with.

Unfortunately, tragedy struck within minutes. Upon finishing the final morsel of the most drool inducing meal he had ever encountered, the president suffered a sudden heart attack.

President Taft survived the incident, but was left shaken. He could not comprehend how something so delicious could be so dangerous. Fearing death, he became a paranoid health junkie. He swore off anything tasty, and subsisted on a strict diet consisting of tofu and sprouts for the remainder of his days.

Taft initially held the chef responsible for his suffering. He threatened to banish him to Guatemala. But, when he realized the law would not allow it, he simply requested the chef promise to destroy the recipe, so that no innocent soul should ever again fall victim to its blissfully wicked taste.

What follows is the devilish recipe that has been kept under wraps for 100 years. How I managed to uncover it, I shall never say.

Enjoy:

INGREDIENTS

15 slices of bacon

15 pieces of jumbo shrimp

1 tub of lard

3 hot dog buns

1/2 cup of sugarcane

1 bottle of chunky bleu cheese dressing

Large quantity of sprinkles

DIRECTIONS

1. Mix 1/2 cup of lard with 1/3 cup of sugarcane.
2. Glaze hot dog buns with newly created concoction.
3. Fry bacon and shrimp in 8 tablespoons of lard.
4. Wrap each individual shrimp with 1 bacon slice. (Should overlap approximately 3x)
5. Place 5 pieces of bacon-wrapped shrimp in each hot dog bun.
6. Liberally pour chunky bleu cheese inside buns.  (No bacon wrapped shrimp should be visible to naked eye.)
7. Sprinkle sprinkles everywhere.
8. Consume rapidly.
9. Repeat twice daily.

You’re Welcome.